Dogs & Depression

This may seem like a strange topic to blog about, but it’s coming from my own personal experience and I feel compelled to share this.

I have major depressive disorder. I have had it most of my life and it’s awful. I have what I call “episodes” and they come on without warning and I never know how long they will last. For those of you unfamiliar with clinical depression, I think of it as a dark cloud or ominous being that’s always somewhere around me. Following me. Watching me. Waiting to surprise me out of nowhere and begin convincing me that nothing matters. It sounds dark, I know. But we need to stop shying away from what it really is.

When I’m in an episode, it’s hard to eat or shower. Brushing my teeth seems like an insurmountable task. Eating? Not possible. Everything seems pointless. My dogs are the only thing I care about. One thing I really struggle with while having an episode - that can last days or weeks or even months - is properly caring for my dogs and the guilt that comes along with not being able to while I’m depressed. During this past episode, the absolute most I could muster was slinking to my back door, opening it, letting the dogs go to the bathroom, and then demanding they come back in immediately so I could return to my nest. (By the way, another fun thing that comes with depression is confusing anger that seemingly also comes out of nowhere.)

Someone once told me that guilt is a useless emotion. It serves no purpose. It doesn’t serve us in any way besides making us feel bad. Or when you’re depressed - VERY bad. I feel so much guilt during an episode, but if I’m being honest… I feel guilt about it pretty much every day. And I think a lot of dog owners struggle with this. Some more than others. “I’m not walking my dog enough” or “I should be making their food from scratch” or “I got frustrated with my dog today so I’m a bad person.” Maybe you’re not in that group and if so, good. You’re not beating yourself up for no reason.

I live alone and I have three dogs. I also have multiple sclerosis, which is a neurological degenerative disease with a super fun list of symptoms, including depression. (Which came first; the depression or the MS? Who knows!) Three dogs are a lot of energy on the best of days and it takes a lot of care and management. Between feeding, entertaining, enriching, walking, cuddling, (three dogs in a bed is a lot to cuddle), managing their interactions, and just trying to pay attention to all three of them, it can be very exhausting. When you add in being depressed, it feels impossible. And then the guilt sets in. “My dogs hate me.” “They would be better off somewhere else.” “I’m failing them.” “I shouldn’t have gotten all of these dogs.”

But here’s the thing that we have to remember, (and I can recognize this now that I’m coming out of my episode but NOT while I’m in one): most of our dogs are living their best life. If you’re reading this, you sought this website out for one reason or another but it had to do with caring for your dog. Does your dog have shelter? Does your dog sleep in your bed? Or on a dog bed? Do you feed your dog a meal twice or thrice daily? Does your dog have toys? Does your dog get to play? If any or some or most or all of these are true.. you are doing enough. You do not have to feel guilty. Nowadays in America, it’s become commonplace to anthropomorphize our dogs to the point of silliness. I am not judging because I do it too. I can’t possibly count the amount of times per day that I speak to my dogs as if they are human. Does my chihuahua have a drawer of different jackets and sweatshirts? Indeed. Does he need them, being a dog? Not really. A big part of the way that I tend to attribute human traits to my dogs comes in the form of guilt. Usually when I leave my house or if I’m gone for awhile or even if I am petting two of them and one is being left out. I tend to think something along the lines of, “Jimmy’s mad at me and thinks I love Birdie more,” or “Winnie is upset that I walked Birdie instead of her today.”

However, research tells us that dogs do not feel guilt in regard to specific actions. There is also no real evidence that dogs feel “left out” and we do know that dogs are incapable of being spiteful. These are all human emotions; human emotions that we love to bestow upon our pets, and to our own detriment and sometimes even theirs.

What’s my point? When you’re depressed and feel incapable of handling the most minute tasks like answering a phone call, (please don’t ever call me whether I’m depressed or not. It’s 2024), or brushing your teeth… you do not need to pile on that your dog or dogs are also mad at you. They are not. They are likely happy to be with you and in the case of my chihuahua mix, Jim, VERY excited at the prospect of endless cuddles that are uninterrupted by stupid things like showers and eating. My sweet rescue dog Winnie is perfectly happy napping on the couch all day. Even my 14-month old purebred Dalmatian, Birdie, who is an actual freight train with no brakes can handle a few days or even weeks of my depression. She might insist on going out into the backyard 4,353 times per day or cry for awhile because she wants to do more of the things, but this is temporary and her welfare is not in danger.

A couple of tips if you do happen to have a Birdie in your life: stock up on easy enrichment. Knee caps, bully sticks, collagen sticks, or if you have the energy - spoon some peanut butter into a kong. That usually keeps Birdie enriched and happy just enough for me to get through. Which is the most important thing about depression: find a way to get through it. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member who can come walk your dog while you’re feeling unwell - even better. If not, try a service like Rover. Anything that helps you feel less guilty while helping out your pup.

Are there people who do not take good care of their dogs and don’t care? Unfortunately, yes. This article is not for them. This article is for you: the person who sought out a force-free dog website in order to learn about or help your dog.

If you’re reading this and suffer from depression, I truly and whole-heartedly hope you never have an episode again. But we also know that it will happen. When it does, don’t add guilt to the list of emotions that you’re already dealing with. Instead, do what I do and use your 55lb Dalmatian as a weighted blanket and your chihuahua as your hot water bottle and order takeout every night until you feel better.

Bex